Lately I've been having trouble falling back asleep. The first time is no problem, but if something wakes me up at night (as it has the past two nights) man, I'm up for an hour or two. And why am I awake? Why, because I can't fall asleep for the worrying! Worrying about work I need to do, worrying that I should be pushing academics on the kids (night time does strange things to my brain), and worrying about Liel's social life. See, Liel didn't really make friends during her year in preschool. Now she's socially ready to (I think) but the only kid she sees most days is her brother. I'm mostly to blame for this- I suck about arranging playdates. But I'm not entirely to blame...part of the reason I suck is because I get shot down probably 75% of the time when I try to set one up for her. Mostly it isn't personal (I hope!) but I hear "oh, we're busy this week, let's try for next week..." an awful lot. So I feel like a bit of a bother, since next week is always busy when we get there too, you know? Get knocked back enough and it sure starts to SEEM like maybe that mom just doesn't like me and I should give up.
But in the night two nights ago I had a rather sad realization. Zion wants to have a birthday party this year (it will be his first friend party. We offered last year but he said no). And that's lovely, and he has a number of friends who he'll want to invite and who will want to come. But that also means Liel will want a friend party this year. And Liel has 1, maybe 2 friends. I'm not kidding you, my eyes teared up thinking about how that might make her feel, and how I've kind of failed her in this way because I'm not trying hard enough to find other little girls for her play with.
So, I got back up and sent out 4 emails asking if daughters wanted to play with Liel this week. I've heard back from one, saying her daughter is away visiting grandparents, but we did make an actual plan for the week after (of course this is the one girl I can count as Liel's friend with as much certainty as is possible when counting friends for 4 year olds).
This is the most pathetic blog post I've ever made.
PS- success! Heard back from another mama and Liel has a playdate this week. Perhaps less pathetic now.